How a unicorn changed Katniss's life
by Winter Tiger
Summary: One day, Katniss was hunting when she saw... a UNICORN. This is how the unicorn does STUFF and makes her go insane... ' "DON'T YOU HAVE A PARTY TO GO TO?" the unicorn shouted, right in her ear. "…Shit…" '
1. Chapter 1

The first time Katniss went hunting, she didn't see anything interesting. Just some 100000 feet high waterfalls, random rock formations, and trees EVERYWHERE. Oh, and the occasional fairy, elf, or lost gnome that she would (kindly) return to various neighbors gardens. And let's not forget the wildlife. Like I said, normal stuff in the radiation-infused woods of District Twelve. But one day, she saw something she had never seen before. EVER. Katniss was out hunting when she saw a… UNICORN.

"Oh my god. It's a unicorn," she said, rather unenthusiastically. "I think I'll kill it and give it to Prim for her birthday."

She drew her bow, took aim (_I have very good aim...hehe_ she would think every. Single. Freaking. Time.), and took a tiny step forward, hoping it wouldn't notice her. But of course it did. She said something, about which the _Hunter's Guide to Hunting_ clearly stated: "Never say something while hunting. If you do, the thing being hunted will hear you."

"OH, HELLO THERE YOUNG HUMAN," said the unicorn very excitedly. Too excitedly... It was like the unicorn had never seen a human before, which was ridiculous because the unicorn happened to live in a village full of people.

"Umm… hi?" Katniss quickly hid the bow and arrow behind her.

"OMIGOSH We have sooo much to catch up on, GUURRL!"

"?" Of course, Katniss had no idea what it was talking about.

"WATTA YA WAITING FOR, HUN? COME OVER TO MY POPSICLE PALACE AND WE CAN TALK ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL DAY!"

"A popsicle palace?" For a second she thought it was pretty cool. But then: "Wouldn't that have melted by now?"

"OMIGOSHHH. I COM-PLETELY FORGOT!"

"Why are you talking in all caps?" She knew because, _obviously_, the words appeared in speech bubbles over their heads. But then Katniss took her unused arrows and shot them out of the sky. From then on, in the land of beautiful Panem, there were no more speech bubbles.

"TO EMPHASIZE, GURL FRIENDDDDDDDD! NOW, ARE YOU COMING , OR NOT? IT'S FINE IF YOU'RE NOT COMING CAUSE WE CAN SIT HERE AND TALK BUT I WANNA GO TO MY POPSICLE PALACE OMIGOSH IT'S PROBABLY MELTED BY NOW WHY DIDN'T YOU TEEEEEEELLLLLL MMEEEEEEEEEE!" Never once did it take a breath. Amazing.

By now, Katniss had realized that she was dealing with a forgetful or stupid unicorn. And she realized that she was late for Gale's birthday party. AND she realized she hated unicorns. Especially loud and obnoxious ones.

"EXCUSE-A MEE! I'M TALKING TO YOU! ANSWER ME, GURRRL!"

"Oh... sorry...(cough) not (cough). I have to go to my friend's party."

"A PARTAY? OMG! I LIVE ON PARTIES!"

"Thats... cool..." she quickly started speed-walking towards the District.

"YAAAAAAY! SO WHAT WOULD YOUR FRIEND LIKE FOR HIS/HER PRESENT?"

"Ummmm... what?"

"I SAID WHA-"

"I know! I heard you!"

Katniss started to stomp on the District 12 fence in an effort break it down and escape the fat unicorn. Part of the reason District 12 was bankrupt was because of the fences that they had to repair everyday, on account of all hunters breaking down the fence.

"WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Ugh."

**A/N: So...I changed it. Edited it. Bye :P  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Special thanks to PenguinGirl526 for helping! :P**

So there Katniss was with the stupid unicorn. She was inside District 12 now. Since Katniss refused to go to the castle, the unicorn had started following her around.

" COME TO MY CASTLE! WE'LL HAVE LOTS OF FUN!"

No response.

"CCOOOOOMMMMEEEE OOOOOOOONNNNN!"

"Oh, god, help me," Katnisss muttered.

"DON'T YOU HAVE A PARTY TO GO TO?" the unicorn shouted, right in her ear.

"…Shit…"

Katniss started rushing around like crazy. "What should I get for Gale? I know! A new set of hunting stuff! Like snares and bows and whatever you call those sticks with iron pointy triiangles on them."

"SPEARS!" supplied the unicorn, who was drifting rather close to some bread piled up next to a bakery.

"Whatever." Suddenly, Katniss saw a blond-haired blue-eyed boy emerge from the bakery. "Peeta!" she squealed in a very un-katniss like way.

"Hi!" he called out and they started smooching.

The unicorn, who I will now call Corny because writing "the unicorn" every time is getting boring, ate all the bread.

Katniss came back from her smooch fest with her present for Gale. "Here", she said to Corny. "Hold this for me." And she went off to call 1-800-PRESENTS to help Peeta find the perfect gift for his rival.

Corny got a very sneaky look on her face. She took the present and dumped it in a bush which happened to lead to a tunnel containing irritable elves who happened to hate weapons causing them to blow up and create an earthquake a few miles away which no one seemed to notice. Corny replaced the weapons with a pink fluffy scarf. _Everyone loves scarves, s_he thought. _ Katniss is so stupid. Muahahahaha! _She pretended nothing happened when Katniss came back and they bounced to Gale's party.

**Corny is...EVIL? What happens when Gale sees it...?**_  
_


	3. Gale comes out of the closet

**A/N: hope you like it! Review!**

Katniss and Corny and Peeta skipped down a lane lined with cobblestones. Why were they skipping, you ask? Well, everyone knows that when you're happy and you're going somewhere, you skip. Take me, for example. I recently got another beta fish and I was so happy I wanted to skip out of Petco, but if I did I would've killed her, so I skipped afterwards. I skipped all around the parking lot, serenading my cute little white fishy... ahem.

So anyways, they skipped up to the quaint little house at the end of the lane. The house was decorated with so many ribbons and stuff, it looked like a mummy. A really fat one. Katniss was so excited, she forgot to check on her present while Corny knocked on the door. Or at least, tried to. Corny stared at the door for awhile, trying to figure out how she could knock since she didn't have any hands.

_OOOOOHHHH, I KNOW!_ She thought. (Corny thinks in all caps too...)_ I'LL USE MY HEAD!_ She bumped the door with her head and got her horn stuck in it. "Oops... Hehe." She pulled out the door and threw it into the field that happened to be there.

"Hiiiiiithhheeereeee..." someone slurred. "Iiiii'mmmm -hiccup-Gaaaaale'sss moooooommmmmm..."

"And obviously very drunk," Katniss added under her breath.

Gale came up behind his mom, wearing a party hat. "Um, mom," he said, "We have some nice weed over in that corner. Why don't you go over there?"

"Weeeeeeeed -hiccup- CCOOOOKKKKIIEEEESSSSSSSS!" Mrs. Hawthorn went over there and proceeded to try to flirt with her cat.

Gale chuckled nervously. "If you let her get drunk, you also have to get her stoned so she doesn't creep out everyone." Gale shuddered, flashing back to a very...unpleasant... memory.

Katniss noticed. "She got into the paint again?" Gale nodded. Katniss sighed in sympathy.

"WELL, AHEM. SORRY TO INTERRUPT," Corny said, not sorry at all. "I'M A UNICORN. ALSO KNOWN AS CORNY, BECAUSE THE AUTHOR DECIDED TO CALL ME THAT."

"Yeah," Katniss sighed miserably. "She freaking decided to follow me..." Katniss sighed again. Peeta ran in, chasing a butterfly. Corny decided to follow, but she got stuck in the doorway. She pulled, and took down half the wall. Gale and Katniss didn't notice. _Hey, that kinda rhymed! Heehee._

After all the guests arrived, everyone got drunk and ate all the cake and trashed the house. "Peeta, guess I'll have to sleep at you're house, since mine's trashed," Gale said, blushing slightly.

"Sure!" Peeta said, oblivious as always to Gale's feelings. (Hint hint).

"Present tiiiiimmmmeeeee!" Gale finally called out, after throwing up a few times.

"YAAAAYYYYY!" said everyone, especially Corny.

"Open mine first," Prim said imperiously.

"Mine next!" a minor character (so minor he wasn't even mentioned in the books) named Harold said. Inexplicably, Gale opened his first. In fact, after that, he opened Haymitch's. And in fact, he opened all the boy's presents first. He piled all his beer and new sweatshirts in the middle of the room (yeah, lame presents right?) and then opened Prim's.

It was a tiara. And Gale squealed in delight, not the reaction Prim was hoping for at all. Corny's eyes narrowed. Finally, Gale got to Katniss's present. He reached for the bag...

He pulled it closer...

And closer...

And moved his hand toward the opening...

"OH, JUST FREAKING GET ON WITH IT," Corny shouted, totally ruining the moment. Gale huffed and pulled out the pink fluffy (totally gay) boa scarf. His eyes widened. Katniss started cussing.

"What the h-!"

"BEEP."

"I know I f-"

"BEEP."

"-ing got a freaking set of weapons! What the f-"

"BEEP."

"Would you stop with the beeps, Corny?"

"Katniss, what are you talking about?" Gale interjected. "I absolutely love it!"

Katniss blinked. "Huh?"

"It's what I've always wanted! But I couldn't have one cause I wanted to keep my reputation as being straight!"

Corny inwardly rolled her eyes. ANYONE WOULD HAVE LOVED IT. EVEN IF THEY WERE STRAIGHT, she thought.

"What do you mean?" Katniss was really confused.

"Hello..? All the signs in this chapter? I'm gay!" Gale said. "Such a relief to admit it!" he muttered.

"Oh," was the oh-so-intelligent reply.

"And now..." Gale said. He pulled Harold over. "Hi, pretty," he purred. Katniss puked all over Prim who puked over Peeta who puked on Haymitch... _Ew._

Harold also looked sick. "Um, Gale-"

"No need to be shy," Gale hugged him tighter. "I understand everything... How about we go upstairs?"

"Gale, what the hell?"

"Don't worry, I know you're gay. There's no need to hide it..."

"I'm not freaking gay!"

Gale pulled away, not looking the least bit hurt. "Oh, you're not? Then why do you dress in pink and have long dyed hair and wear necklaces?"

Harold rolled his eyes. "I'm feminine. There's a difference... And besides, I also live with 2 sisters and my mom. No boys in my family at all. In fact, the only time I even interact with boys is during the 8 hours at school. I don't even go every day."

"Then what about your dad?"

"Oh, he left. You know dads. They always leave their kids, by dying most of the time. Take that manga, what was it called? Naruto... That damn Hizashi just decided to sacrifice himself and die." Everyone stared at Harold blankly. "And your dad, Gale. He just had to die in an explosion." Harold realized people were starting to look uncomfortable." Just to change the subject," he said quickly, "who's that unicorn there?"

A few minutes before, a baked Mrs. Hawthorn decided to leave her "weed cookies" and come back. She had made her way slowly through the kitchen and living room, stepping on the occasional potted plant, crashing into walls, and tripping over beer bottles so that she landed flat on her face.

She finally made it, just in time for Harold's subject change. Her hearing wasn't very good. And her eyesight was worse than a bats'. So she misheard. Or maybe she just pretended that so she could humiliate Gale. She may have the kind-old-I'm-just-a-harmless-lady personality on the outside, but on the inside she was the get-the-hell-outta-my-way-bitch-cause-I'm-PMS-ing-24/7 kinda person, just waiting for a chance to show itself.

Which always seemed to happen when she was doing drugs. NEVER DO DRUGS, KIDS! THEY DO BAAAAAAD THINGS TO YOU!

"This here," she said gravely, slinging an arm around Corny's considerable bulk, "is my son."

**A/N: Cliffie! Review?**


	4. Chapter 4

_OKAY,_ Corny's first thought was._ FIRST OF ALL, I AM NOT A BOY. SECONDLY, HER SON IS OVER THERE. RIGHT NEXT TO ME._

Katniss gasped, and punched Gale. "Why didn't you tell me you had a brother?"

Gale gasped for air and stared at his mom. "Ummmm. -gasp- Mom, I'm -wheeze- right here."

Gale's mom stared at him like he was crazy. "Who are you?" she asked in her high old lady voice.

"I'm Gale."

"...Who's Gale?"

Gale's eyes were almost popping out. From anger and lack of air and stuff. "Ummmm, hello? Your son? Remember me?"

"Oh, no, I don't have a son named Gale. This," she shoved Corny forward, "is Herbert. I have no idea who you are," she poked Gale in the chest, "so get out of me and Herbert's house!"

Katniss gasped and turned on Gale. "Why didn't you tell me this wasn't your real mom? All these years, you've lied to me! And you even said no one in your family was fat!" She gestured towards Corny.

Corny twitched.

One of Gale's little brothers pulled at his mom's leg. "Mommy..?" he asked, with huge watery cute wide open puppy dog eyes.

"Oh, hi cutey! Why don't you stay with Super Cookie Woman? I'll protect you! Any strangers are welcome at my house!" She smiled sweetly at him. "Why don't you go to the kitchen and get yourself some cookies?" She turned to Gale again. "How about you come sit down with me and we'll discuss this together? Super Cookie Woman can solve anything!" Mrs. Hawthorn hugged Corny. Then she stiffened and slowly turned around, somehow holding a frying pan. "What are you doing here?" she growled dangerously. "I thought I told you to get out, you adopted piece of scum!"

Guess what? Mrs. Hawthorn, AKA Super Cookie Woman, is Bipolar!

"No! I am NOT adopted-!" Gale tried to explain, but Peeta cut him off.

"You traitor," Peeta gasped. "Now how am I supposed to believe you? Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were friends! And your mother! She must regret taking you in so much! You liar!"

Everyone started talking at once.

"Liar!" "Fibber!" "Benedict Arnold!" "Backstabber!" "Frontstabber!" "Stabber who stabs with a knife!" "Stabber who shoots with a gun who's not a stabber!" "That's called a sniper!" "War!" "CoD!" "Cod?" "Call of Duty!" "No, it's a type of fish!" "Go hit yourself with a fish!" "I like fish-"

"EVERYONE! SHUT THE FRICK UP!" Gale (finally) shouted. "I AM NOT ADOPTED, MY MOM IS JUST ON DRUGS, AND THAT UNICORN'S NAME IS NOT HERBERT!"

"Oooooohhh," everyone said at the same time. Kind of creepy when you think about it. "Why didn't you just say so?"

Gale ran at the wall and hit his head. On purpose.

**A/N: Was it funny? Stupid? REVIEW!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I have no idea how fountains are made. Just saying.**

"Ok," Gale growled through clenched teeth when he had finally calmed down enough to stop trying to commit suicide. (Part of the reason was he sucked at it. He tried hitting himself with a plant and the toilet plunger and wanted to drown himself but chickened out. And he wanted to use rat poison but he mistook marijuana for it and threw all of the sharp things in his house away.) "Everyone, sit down." He continued when everyone piled onto the sofa. The two person sofa. "This party cannot continue when we are all like this. It is immature and childish. What do you all say we calm down and talk it over, huh?" He struck pose number 110 in the "Persuade Your Friends" book, which involved a lot of wiggling eyebrows and thumbs-ups.

Everyone (tried to) stare at each other for a moment. "Naaah," they said in unison and trashed the house all over again. Gale twitched and then sat down, sobbing.

"Oh, its all right, Gale," Peeta said as he paused for a moment on throwing eggs at potted plants. "Why don't you come over to my house? I mean, since your house is all trashed..."

"-sniff- Really?" Isn't Peeta so nice?

"Sure." Peeta smiled kindly and suddenly found himself being dragged toward the front door. Where's the other half of the wall? he wondered for a second.

"Everyone! Party at Peeta's house! Come on! Oh and Katniss, can you and your unicorn not come? Cause, like, you mess everything up. EVERYTHING! I don't know why or how, I just feel like excluding someone. Bye!"

Katniss blinked as a rush of air in the suddenly empty house brushed past her. And then she started crying a lake (literally-Corny had to drag her onto a floating table to keep her from drowning).

"No one likes meeeeee!" she wailed miserably, throwing her hands up, the floating table's rocking adding to the dramatic-ness.

Corny snorted. "WELL, NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL, GURLFRIEND."

But she couldn't console poor little Katniss, and had to wait for an hour before they sat together, one munching pensively on some grass and the other sniffling and hiccuping occasionally.

"You know -hiccup- no one really appreciates me. No one even knows me -sniff- when I walk down the street like they know those famous people. Why aren't I famous? Then -hiccupsniff- they would go like hey Katniss you're so cool and- I could get famous!" She sat up, bumped her head on the stairs, and fell into a vase. "All I have to do is write a book or something!"

And so the tale "Diary of a Waterfall Fountain- a tragic tale of love and mystery" was born.

_Diary of a Fountain_

_By Katniss Everdeen_

_Day one_

_Hi diary,_  
_I was the little piece of stone in a meadow in Norway near the squirrels pine tree. I'm gonna be a waterfall!_

_Day two_

_Being melted!_

_Day three_

_Being put together!_

_Day twenty_

_I've been put together!_

_Day twenty one_

_Well, the pipes have been put together, the waters been run through, and there are a lot of people standing by, watching my grand opening. Here comes the water rushing through the pipes!_

_Yay! I spit water!_

_Day twenty two_

_I'm spitting water! Many interesting people walk by..._

_Day twenty three_

_Still spitting water..._

_Day twenty four_

_Spitting water..._

"OK," Corny suddenly took her papers away. "YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK. WHERE'S THE ROMANCE, THE MYSTERY?"

"I'm getting to that," Katniss growled, snatching them back.

_Day twenty five_

_There's this girl who always sits in front of me with a book. Wonder who she is._

_Spitting water..._

_Day thirty_

_I have officially fallen in love! With the girl that sits there. I've been thinking lately, and I've decided that I'm tired of this. I don't want to be a fountain anymore!_

_Spitting water._

_Day thirty one_

_I've done some more thinking, and I realized there's no way I can't not be a fountain._

_Spitting water._

"OK, THE ROMANCE IS IN THERE. WHERE'S THE MYSTERY?" Corny peered disapprovingly over Katniss's shoulder.

She rolled her eyes. "Seriously? The mystery is obviously that the fountain can think. Duh. How stupid are you? Don't answer that. Now, go send this out to the publishers. I'm getting out of this dump! With this money, I'll buy so much stuff! Capitol, here I come!"

Corny heaved herself onto a passing chair and rowed the papers to the door. She got onto the dry porch. How did the four foot deep water not leak onto the porch? Go ask the guy who said water could be held up by signs in minecraft.

Then she went to her popsicle palace to find her stamps. Corny never noticed the rustles in the undergrowth following her, or the black shapes shadowing her in the trees...

**A/N: So sorry I haven't updated. I was in Sweden, Norway, and Denmark! And then school started, and I got busy. I don't like school...**


	6. Chapter 6

Corny followed a little winding path through the bushes and trees. _WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY_, she thought happily. _THE SUN IS SHINING EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T SEE IT, THE FLOWERS ARE PRETTY EVEN THOUGH I'M TOO BIG (_she always refused to call herself fat) _TO SEE THEM. _

A puddle of sugar water suddenly stopped her. _OMG! _she suddenly remembered. _MY POPSICLE PALAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!_

She suddenly started running as fast as she could, which wasn't very fast. A snail nearby decided to race with her and suddenly found himself winning- a phenomenon that hadn't happened since...ever. _It's never happened before_, the snail realized with a little wiggle of joy. There was a little prophecy about if a snail ever beat someone in a race, he/she would grow wings and fly. So then the snail flew, and Corny thought he was a fly, and almost killed him with her tail.

Finally, she started nearing the end of the forest. But there, at her feet, was a puddle of sugary-popsicle-and-dirt-flavored-and-pink-with-purple-mixed-colored water. Corny naturally started hyperventilating. But not about the water, of course. About the fact that she actually tasted it. And it was ON THE DIRT FLOOR! She wasted another hour finding a stream, tripping into it, taking a bath, washing out her tongue, getting lost, and tripping over the snail. Finally, she stepped into her perfectly not-melted palace made of popsicles. Unicorn magic powers always wins!

_OH, RIGHT,_ she remembered. _I MADE A RIVER. DUH._

She ambled over to a huge desk lying in front of a huge pillow. Then she got out her post stamps, slapped them onto the _Diary of a Water Fountain_'s envelope, and walked back outside.

_Meanwhile, at the shadow/stalkers' camp..._

The leader of the Stalker's Group was an old lady with a horrible fashion sense. She made all of her underlings wear black clothes-black was soooooo last year- and the clothes were all weird-looking. A loose shirt, tight pants with huge pockets full of standard ninja equipment, mask, and hood. Not to mention a huge backpack that weighed approximately 50.2975618 pounds.

And while the stalkers sometimes resented her, Effie Trinket was a good leader. She was always there to provide moral support ("If you fail, I'll have to make you clean the toilets."), good training for aspiring elites of the kind-of-not-really secret stalker's world ("give me one-hundred one-handed pushups or I'll push you off a cliff!"), and most of all, for organizing and keeping fifty teenagers under control 24/7 ("GO TO FREAKING SLEEP ALREADY"). A full time job.

Effie Trinket didn't wear the same thing as her underlings, though. She wore a dress (black), had a small backpack, and had sticky-surface shoes that enabled her to climb up walls. And...the crown of DOOM. It had little soft rubber spikes on it.

This time, their mission was to infiltrate Target One's (Corny's) headquarters while keeping Target Two (Katniss) under constant surveillance. Not the easiest thing to do when most of the underlings were nitwits.

Even now, two of the underlings were brawling when _they were supposed to be freaking sleeping._

Effie was seriously going to go crazy if she had to listen to one more shout of "Dammit, it's mine!"

_Use your Anger Management Techniques Use your Anger Management Techniques Use your Anger Management Techniques __Use your Anger Management Techniques..._

She counted to one hundred. In Swedish, English, and Norwegian. How does she know all these languages? I...don't know either.

___Screw_ _this._

Just as she was about to pull the trigger on her bazooka, her cool watch-with-a-phone-and-video-chat-attached rang and lit up. An old dude with a white beard and lots of wrinkles glared up at her.

Effie gasped. "Boss man! What are you doing? I was just about to kill some people."

Boss man (his name isn't really boss man-it's President Snow!) said, "Do those people happen to be our enemies?"

"...No...?"

The cool watch somehow turned up it's own volume so everyone heard him scream, "Get going on your F****** JOB!" And no, he did not say "Asterick asterick asterick asterick asterick asterick." The watch hated Effie for making it play the Barney song over and over again every night.

She couldn't go to sleep without hearing it. Bad guys have weaknesses, too.

"Ok, bossman, geez," Effie muttered to herself, and cut the connection.

When she emerged from her awesome super cool tent, she found the underlings having a potato fight. _God, please kill me now..._

**Ok! **A voice from the sky suddenly shouted. **Do you prefer death by pizza, potato, penguin, poncho-choking, huge purses, pocky sticks, or terrible-smelling perfume?**

"...How come you're talking...?"

Thunder rumbled in the sky. **I. AM. YOUR FATHER...**

Silence reigned in the forest for a full 109308895750 seconds. The birds had just started to breathe a sigh (actually, a whistle of random notes) of relief when a huge sonic boom shook the entire forest, caused by Effie's scream.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ok, so, I meant to post this on Halloween, but...yeah...So here it is! Happy (Belated) Halloween! Thanks to Red Metoo for giving me the idea for yoga classes!  
**

Recap: _Thunder rumbled in the sky. **I. AM. YOUR FATHER...**_

_Silence reigned in the forest for a full 109308895750 seconds. The birds had just started to breathe a sigh (actually, a whistle of random notes) of relief when a huge sonic boom shook the entire forest, caused by Effie's scream._

"Daddyyyyyyyyy!" Effie screamed again, hugging the tallest tree she could find (because _of course_ it lead to heaven, where God/her daddy was). "I missed you so much! Why -hiccup sob- did you leave me and mommy?"

**Because your mom was a bit-**

A high pitched squeal from one of the clouds interrupted him. **Ok, angels I get it! I'll go send rain over there as soon as I'm done here.**

Effie sighed dreamily and climbed onto the tree's branches, snuggling in contentedly. And an underling found her there days later, half starved and dehydrated, and muttering deliriously to herself. "Oh, yeah, daddy, I totally remembered that time you shot my friend...so funny..."

_Back to Corny's place...  
_

Corny barged into the (only) mail-delivery place in town. There was a garden gnome siting on the desk, permanently watering the over-watered cactus. His bearded face turned towards her as soon as she clopped up tot he desk. "Place yer mail in yonder basket, pony girl," he drawled in an extreme southern accent, raising a creaky metal arm. It never even crossed Corny's mind how weird the town was, what with all the shop keepers being gnomes. And the people being marshmallows.

Because she realized that today was Halloween! Immediately, she ran (read: waddled) back home to dress up.

_Back to Katniss:_

Sitting on a table, floating along miserably...

_Pop! _You could seriously see the lightbulb floating on top of her head. "OMG!" She screamed. "Yoga! The answer to all my problems!" As you can see, she was getting a little...shall we say...muddled. Yeah, that's it. Not _crazy_, or _insane,_ or anything like that. _Of course_ not...

And of course, no yoga class is complete without dressing up as a tomato.

Katniss hopped off the table onto a chair, snagged a passing tomato costume, and then ran onto the porch. But _Everybody_ knows you can't run in water. Silly Katniss. _You have to run on top of the water_, her mother's disembodied voice said in her head. "Oh, right! Duh!" Katniss then walked on top of the water, through the big hole in the wall, and into town, pulling on the costume.

The Yoga place was, of course, right next to the mail place. Katniss and Corny passed right past each other without noticing. "Get in character," Katniss muttered to herself. Her acting teacher had always told her to do that.

Bad advice, as it turned out.

As soon as Katniss barged in, the workers pulled her to a table and began to rub oil on her plastic covering. "This will soothe your muscles and help them relax during yoga," one of the workers said brightly.

Being in character, Katniss screamed and started to struggle uselessly. Every tomato knows that as soon as someone rubs oil on them, they'll be...EATEN.

**Gasp...** God commented absently, grabbing a nearby cloud and chewing it. Entities have to eat too, you know. But then he realized he abandoned Effie and flew/teleported back to her.

As soon as Katniss got free, she tried to run. But again, the "Be in character" thing was acting up again. She suddenly had no legs. And no arms. Then everything went black as her eyes disappeared. Soon, she was a huge tomato sitting there on the street.

**Next Update: Thanksgiving...**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Ersatz PM, cause this reviewer didn't log in...  
**

**Subject: REVIEW **

**TO: Guest**

**From: Winter Tiger**

**Actually, no, you didn't offend ;) This doesn't really have a plot, I think, but it's just like a "Ooh, I can make Katniss go on adventures with a unicorn" type of thing. Thanks for your review anyways!**

Katniss thought she was a tomato, but really, it was a hallucination of poisonous bee-stinger-juice (Get it? Tracker-Jacker Venom?) made by Effie's henchmen/women. They dragged her behind some bushes and proceeded to tie her to a pole. Then they started dancing an ancient voodoo/Indian/Crazy People dance, howling like howler monkeys. Being attacked by carnivorous rabbits. Who, in turn, are being attacked by Rhinos and driven mad by pain which is why they turned carnivorous in the first place.

"Death to the humans!" the rabbits would squeal, and then launch themselves at the monkeys. They are avid believers of the "Evolution Theory."

Anyways... After their ritualistic dance, the henchmen/women radioed Effie but... she DIDN'T ANSWER...

"OMG! I thnk we shld go 2 sve her!" said a henchwomen who only spoke in txt slang.

"Bark!" agreed a henchman who only spoke Dog.

The whole group ran off into the sun that just happened to be setting in the direction they were going.

**_Meanwhile, in Katniss's mind..._**

_PleaseDon'tEatMePleaseDon'tEatMe...Actually..._

_PleaseDon'tEvenUprootMeFromTheSoilWhen ceICame..._

_What the heck? Whence? I must be hallucinating..._

And with that, she broke free of the hallucination! Muahahahahaha!

"Now," Katniss said to herself, "I must go save the world!" As you can see, she was still hallucinating. Muahaha..ha..ha..poop.

"Roll, gurl," Katniss muttered to herself. "C'mon..." She was going at 8 miles per day now. Which means 4 miles per half-a-day. Which means 2 miles per 6-hours. And then 1 mile per 3-hours. So she was going at 1/3 miles per hour! Yay for math (not)!

By the time she got back to the yoga place, an hour had passed. It should have still been Halloween, but for some reason the air was full of the delicious smell of Turkeys cooking and pies baking.

"What the heck?" Katniss asked herself in Tomato-ese. It involved a lot of rustling noises and cheesy growing noses and also lots of thumps.

"Ah, Katniss, there you are! You've been gone for days and it's Thanksgiving now!" said her mom. "I was so sad, I though you were'nt going to come for dinner!"

"Again, what the heck?"

"YOU ROLLED THROUGH A TIME PORTAL, GUUUURRRLLL."

"Dammit," Katniss muttered to herself. "The unicorn's still here."

And then: "What time portal?"

"THE ONE WITH THE SPARKLES AND GOLDEN FRAM AROUND OUT. DUR."

"Oooohhhh. _That_ time portal. Well, let's eat! I'm famished!"

They came upon a huge table in someone's backyard laden with awesome yummy food. Turkey, drinks, desserts, pies, etc...

And then they ate all of it and ran off to the next families' table.

"Thanksgiving is about giving!" Katniss would shout at the gnomes, and then stuff her face. "Thanks for giving us this foooood! Munch munch munch..."

**A/N: I'm hungry... It's only a week late! Yay!**


End file.
